The Power of Listening

Perhaps the most powerful tool in any mentor’s toolbox is the ability to listen—to truly understand the mentee. Creating the space for trust allows the possibility of a meaningful partnership. Through this collaboration, the relationship becomes symbiotic—one in which both parties benefit from understanding the other. It often begins by making room for quality time. “One of the big things I have taken away from my time with students,” says Real Life Choices Director Jennifer Keenan, “is that they are longing for quality time with trusted adults, and would really enjoy open conversations with those adults.”

Quality time exists within a space built on trust, which cannot endure without authenticity and truthfulness. Students project sincerity from a more genuine place than many adults. They speak plainly and without pretense, at times delivering brutal honesty without concern for  implications. However, many of our mentors see this as one of their greatest strengths—the earnestness we all wish to embody and the courage to truly be ourselves. “My students have taught me that it is okay to be silly and have fun during hard discussions and lessons,” shared Olivia Farrier, a New Roots Mentor. “We do not need to be serious at all times, and the kids have taught me that cracking jokes or busting out laughing is okay.”

Navigating New Challenges

Although students of all ages have a knack for creating real moments of vulnerability, the pressures of modern life can differ greatly from those of past generations. “Every generation faces unique challenges and deserves the same respect and grace,” states Director of the New Roots program, Erica Stefanow. “Technology can be a really great thing, but as with most things, there can be too much.”

Regarding the pressures of social media and internet culture, staying in the rhythm of what keeps you “cool” and “connected” to the world moves at a much faster tempo than ever before. “The societal pressures of perfection…and the constant access to connection leaves little room for peace. Add in the ‘standard’ pressures of academics, sports, relationships, etc., and I am tired for them.”

These challenges give mentors valuable insight into students’ day-to-day struggles, helping them relate more effectively. Grappling with life’s obstacles remains part of growing up, but it’s crucial to recognize the unique challenges youth face in today’s world.

Knowledge Flows in Both Directions

Perhaps what resonates most with our mentors is the impact students have on their sense of self. Moments shared with students—both big and small—leave permanent marks and inspire reflection.

“I’ve learned a lot from my students, but I think one of my favorite things that my students have taught me is to have patience with myself,” shares New Roots Mentor, Louisa Williams. “I have learned that I have a lot more patience with my students than I do with myself, but I think as I do work along with them, I am learning that I deserve the same help that I am giving them.”

Interacting with students of all ages sends a clear message that their honesty, vulnerability, and emotional expression, when exercised positively, allows them to persevere. Creating moments that nurture positive traits in a natural way allows both mentor and the mentee a place to be their true, authentic selves. 

“We intentionally add more activities to our curriculum, not only giving them the space to have fun but also the permission they feel they need,” says Stefanow. “They remind me daily of the importance of having fun… [with] the pressures they face daily, they are expected to ‘grow up’ at such an unfair rate.”

Along with lessons in sincerity, these moments teach our mentors how to respond with compassion instead of authority, creating a ripple effect beyond the classroom. Stefanow continues, “Our students have taught me to be more sympathetic towards others. I think as adults, we often ‘other’ youth and minimize their experience.” What develops as a result is a shared instance of personal growth and better understanding of what makes a real person.

Learning Beyond the Lessons

Programs like New Roots Mentoring and Real Life Choices exemplify the power of listening paired with guidance. Mentors and students have equal room to strengthen meaningful values in their lives by learning from one another. 

“What I’m learning in the classroom is that moments we may deem as small make the deepest impacts,” expressed Madeleine Charles, a Real Life Choices Educator. “We unfortunately do not get to be in the classroom for very long, so the time needs to be intentional. Students can see the intention, the passion, and hope you carry. When you spend time listening to them, are consistent, create a space that’s welcoming, and where they feel safe to talk about hard subjects… it all creates genuine impact.”

This transformative impact persists on both sides of the student/mentor relationship, serving as a mirror that reflects the mentors’ personal values and allows them to grow alongside students. It is understood that all of us are real people with real feelings that we deserve to live in, and the message that “We all matter” is not lost. 

Our mentors know for certain that they are getting just as much—if not more—from the students in our community, and understand the significance of this collaboration. Built on trust, authenticity, and genuine care, it is a relationship they are proud to share with each and every student.